What is it to be empowered and once you have it, how does one use it to empower others? Empowerment is, simply put, using your energy to fuel actions and behavior that create healthy personal power. Every living thing is animated by energy; whether it's a plant photosynthesizing the sun or humans interacting within a relationship, including the one with themselves. It's giving yourself permission to use your energy to be who you are at your core level and becoming the example of that to the world. This encourages others to do the same. Being empowered allows you to change your energy by constantly taking that step back out of the emotion of a situation, leaving it over there, and looking at it objectively so the energy can be focused on making a choice to take action or not, not just reacting, and doing so without looking for or expecting a specific outcome. You become committed to using your energy to do the right thing for just that moment. Then you move on to the next moment and use that energy to do it all over again. It's a life long process.
“The word "Action!" frees me - the transformation is something I cannot explain - too much analysis might destroy it.”
~ Sophia Loren -Italian film Actress
Many have said that human action is fueled, or powered, by either love or fear. When our actions are born out of fear, we grasp for safety. That means that we don't stray far from our comfort zone. We may dislike the outcome of our limited behaviors but at least we find them familiar and we don't have to risk anything. While fear is an innate response helpful for heading off danger, what we perceive as dangerous or threatening to our survival has permeated our entire existence. What we often think of as a life or death situation is usually not that at all. A life or death situation is exactly that, life or death for real. Even though modern culture has largely eliminated the daily battle for survival, that same culture leads us to believe that our very survival depends on accumulating a larger share of that all important limited supply of stuff and on controlling others. Having more stuff and more control will give us more power; if we have more power, we think we will be safe because we can control our environment. An imbalance of fear is driving us to all the wrong places for our survival.
“If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been. ”
~ Robert H. Schuller
The problem with fear is that it is self-perpetuating. The more fearful we are, the more willing we are to sacrifice others for our own self-preservation. As we act defensively both internally in our minds, you know the internal Brat talking, or externally with others, we move further into a state of disconnection. We get in our thinking minds and it becomes like a hamster on one of these wheels. The negative thoughts run round and round adding more fuel to the fire by conjuring up what appears to be supporting memories from our past experiences. That, in turn, creates a huge body of evidence that helps keep us fearful enough so we never step outside of our comfort zone. It is just one more example of defeat. We build a defense system which becomes them against us. This creates anxiety, frustration, anger, guilt and stress. And because we have a mind/body connection, these emotions change us hormonally and physiologically which can end in depression and illness. (Note that this in no way negates serious depression which must be medically treated.) This is a choice we make hundreds of times every day and we can free ourselves from it by first becoming aware of it. This then becomes your opportunity to do power differently by thinking and responding in a more constructive way. You take action instead of always just reacting.
“Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.”
~ Benjamin Disraeli
In contrast to fear, the power of love has been described in poetry, song, liturgy, and art, as that which brings us together, heals us, elevates us to our highest potential, and connects us to that which is sacred. That is most likely, even through you might not realize it, one of the reasons you love to sing. It allows you to create a resonance with your sound that when done properly, emanates from the soul and connects at a deep level within yourself and with others. It also stirs up the core of who you are and makes that stronger. Love is also said to be infinite, which means that as a source of personal power it is completely renewable, self-generating, can be gifted freely, has the magical qualities of lifting things up and can make the sum of the whole greater than its parts. Humans, with our capacity for love, are miraculous generators of this infinite source of power.
The promise of love as a source of power, like fear, is also self-perpetuating. The more loving and compassionate we are with ourselves first then others, the more nurturing conditions we create, which builds a world of true safety where we can open ourselves, freeing our creativity and innate yearning to build lives with meaning. We become more of who we truly are at the core level and thus become the example of that. This example allows and encourages others to step outside of their comfort zones because they feel safe with us and are able to try on a new behavior or take action rather than just react to a situation. Each person, regardless of circumstances, has the capacity to choose love as their motivation instead of fear. But, it has to start by you loving and trusting yourself. Like the flight attendant says as they explain the rules at the beginning of a flight, “If you are with a child or someone who needs your help, put your oxygen mask on first, then you can help the other person.”
“If you're able to be yourself, then you have no competition. All you have to do is get closer and closer to that essence.”
~ Barbara Cook, Celebrated Singer & Actress (b. 1927)
You can become the transformer of power by first noticing that it is yours to cultivate. It is a new way of using your energy - a new way to do power. It will take incredible effort on your part to make a change in the way you use your personal power. It takes awareness, practice, and commitment, but each step perpetuates the next and creates support for this transformation to occur. Others will start to notice the change in your patterns of personal power and will either embrace it, want to model it or will leave and get on with their own lives. This is how you empower others, by being the example and enjoying your journey. Your relationship to power can change right now in your everyday life, including how you are with your family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and strangers.
To help bring a deeper level of awareness to your own issues around energy/power and to suggest some practices for becoming a power transformer, listed below are some ideas for doing power differently.
“We see things not as they are, but as we are.”
~ H.M. Tomlinson
Do A Personal Power Inventory: Raising your own awareness about your motivation for action is a good practice that you can do anytime, anywhere. Throughout your day, ask yourself, "What is the motivation for my action? Is it fear based and self-protective or am I acting from a place of love and compassion?" That includes how you treat yourself. Here is one example: Are you using your power to make yourself feel better about yourself at the expense of others? This can occur by saying something negative about someone else either in your head or out loud with friends. It doesn't even have to be someone you know, but just someone walking down the street or perhaps someone that you see on TV. When that occurs, ask yourself immediately, "So, do I feel better about myself now that I have thoroughly torn this other person apart? It has been my experience that when you realize just how ridiculous and childish this kind of reaction is it will bring a smile to your face and you will notice just how often you practice this unproductive thought process. In my estimation it is a waste of my time and energy. The other person is not affected in any way and also I have done nothing to change or better the situation. So instead of wasting your energy and power this way, start using it instead to support yourself and then share that power with someone else?
Losing Control: Do you like to control every detail of every situation? Are you more interested in the outcome than enjoying the journey? This is typical behavior of someone who wants and needs everything to be perfect. I say, "Perfect, according to whom?" There is no such thing because we each have our own opinion of what constitutes perfect. Try this: notice a situation in which you typically take control and instead let someone else be in charge. Becoming accustomed to the feelings associated with allowing others to be in control is good practice for taking that step back out of the emotion of the situation, leaving it over there, taking action or not only if asked, and allowing the outcome to be whatever it will be. That will help break the "need to control" habit.
“If you let fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin.”
~ Katharine Butler Hathaway
"One up" on someone else: Identify one way in which holding power over someone else makes you feel more secure. It could be within your family, at work, with friends or colleagues. Take a minute and acknowledge how this makes you feel inside, then do power differently. Mentally release you power grip over others by letting that vision, those words, or feelings start melting into a puddle on the floor. You will notice that it stops being about them and us. Instead it creates harmony and equality. Observe how you become less stressed and anxious. You can now use this new power more effectively for the good of everyone. That includes you as well.
Keeping Score: Another way fear seems to rear its ugly head is when we need to keep score in our relationships. You know what I mean. How often have you made sure that all the tasks and chores that happen during your day get put up on a score board? Everyone, in your mind, has to do the equivalent amount of stuff to keep you feeling all is fair. No matter what the relationship is, at home, work or play, there is no perfectly even scoring to be done. Do power differently. Simply do what needs to be done next, even if it isn't your turn and you are doing more than anyone else. It makes life stress free, less frustrating and not filled with anger. Others never know how you score things anyway because you have different points for every task or situation and even that can change. So lighten up and let go by living your own life. Keep focused on being in only one moment at a time and doing what is required in that moment. Keeping score wastes your time and energy by keeping you stuck in your old, childish habits. It prevents you from actively using your decisive power to enjoy your journey by trying to keep everything fair.
“Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway.”
~ John Wayne
Acknowledgment: Everyone wants to be appreciated and acknowledged. This can be done by simply listening while someone else is speaking whether onstage or off and by thanking others for their contributions even if it is a simple everyday task. This helps remind you that we are all interconnected at a very Universal level and it takes nothing away from you to acknowledge others. You may observe that others start reciprocating with like actions. This is also an opportunity for you to notice when you get lost in your own need for credit or need to be seen above others. You have the ability to change by taking action if it is indeed needed instead of just reacting.
“Any time we feel twinges of resentment because we are too often asked to volunteer, it's time to remind ourselves that we CAN choose to change our behavior and say: "NO" ... a word that will do wonders for our self-esteem.”
~ Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line
Taking Your Own Power Back: Identify a situation in which you feel someone is using power over you. Transform that circumstance by knowing that you are the only one who can have any power/energy over your own choices, behaviors and actions. Let them know that you know what the game they are playing is, what the rules are and how the game is played. It doesn't even have to be verbalized. It can just be internally recognized and then evidenced in your behavior and actions. Once that is established, that particular game is over and you have taken your own power back. It will feel very, very good.
“Come to the edge," He said. They said, "We are afraid." "Come to the edge," He said. They came. He pushed them ... and they flew.”
~ Guillaume Apollinaire
So, are you up for the challenge? Taking charge of transforming your source of energy, habitual behaviors and actions from "fear based" to "love based" takes courage. Feel the fear and make that first tiny step anyway. You don't have to change everything at once. Know you may fall back into old habits along the way, but because you are consciously in the process of change, you can quickly move back on track by reminding yourself that everything starts with you. In the end, you are the only person you can change. You can't make someone else behave in a manner consistent with your beliefs or core values. Imagine the relief you will experience when you stop trying to control and be responsible for everyone else in your life. That doesn't mean you don't love them or care about what happens to them. It means all you have to do is become the example of how to transform fear energy into love energy. Many of our current behaviors and habits were learned as children by exampling our family and those around us as we grew up. As we grow and change we have the opportunity to start noticing what works and doesn't work for us as adults. You can change your mind about your own belief and behavioral patterns. You can happily interact with others without trying to always convert them. You can enjoy them for who they are and if they seek your counsel or advice, then you have the opportunity to share your thoughts with them. Loving yourself and others unconditionally is the ultimate goal. It is a process and we are after all, fragile and complicated human beings. There are very few of us that are perfect in every way. So, if you are up for the challenge, do power differently. Go for becoming more of you than you have ever been before and enjoy the journey.
“Treat people as if they are what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”
~ Goethe
