Updating Your Brat

We are at the midway point of the year, my friends, and it is time for our final look at the Second AriaReady Cornerstone: Knowing Who You Are From The Inside Out.

I received many texts and emails this past month, almost all of them wanting to know more about this “Brat” we discussed in the May blog. If you’ve ever felt sabotaged by a voice in your head right before a high-stakes audition, or even just a small step you were “trying out” within your business, you’ve met this “Brat” of yours. So, let’s get down to the business of managing this internal dialogue so you can stop reacting to what they’ve said and start operating on purpose.

Who is The Brat?

The Brat is the part of you that has an opinion about everything and thinks it should be in charge. Usually, this "inner voice" starts out as a four-, five-, or six-year-old version of yourself living in your brain and gut.

Your Brat is your sentry. At some point in your childhood, you experienced an event where you felt at risk or lost your trust in someone you counted on. To protect yourself, you set up this internal guard to remind you of the rules and help you fit more comfortably into the world around you. The problem is that while you have grown up, graduated from high school, maybe college, maybe even completed a master’s degree, and grown into a professional, your Brat is still roughly the same age as when you created them. The Brat thrives on feelings rather than facts, and their "put-down" words can act as silent killers for your mood, a performance, and even your core beliefs.

Eviction vs. Integration

To be truthful, (despite what I said in the May blog), you don’t actually want to evict your Brat. The Brat is your friend and truly wants the best for you; the problem is, they are just using an outdated program. Your goal is to reprogram the chatter and replace it with a productive partnership that includes some new directives.

Below are three exercises that can help you set up this new partnership with your Brat: (Hint: Record each of these exercises. The replays will surprise you, and give you valuable insights you can use the next time you sit down to meet with your Brat.)

Exercise #1: Active Observation

The first step is simply to recognize and acknowledge that your Brat exists. Throughout your day, listen for when your Brat's voice is most active. Write them down in your journal or keep them in some tangible form, so you can review them later. Once you are out of the moment you heard them, you can often find patterns or specific events or occasions when your Brat may have overreacted. Overprotected you from something or someone. By actively listening, you learn to observe the inner voice rather than getting caught up in its emotion. Often, the cautions of our Brat can be reduced to just white noise in the background that only moves to the forefront when you make a faux pas or attempt something that scares them.

Exercise #2: The Dialogue (The Two-Chair Exercise)

If you want to change the message, you must have a purposeful conversation. To do that:

1. Set the Stage: Place two chairs facing each other. Sit in one and invite your Brat to sit in the other.
2. Meet Your Brat: Get specific. Use your imagination to see what your Brat looks like. How old are they? What are they wearing? Carol’s Brat wanted to be called "Charlie." He was a 9-year-old with red hair and freckles. His stated goal (the only instruction Carol had given him) was to keep her safe. To warn her when he felt potential threats or embarrassment. He simply wanted to be the best guard he could be. He knew that doing so would keep him loved and appreciated.
3. Ask the Hard Questions: Out loud, ask your Brat:
   • But first: Let her or him know that you are sorry for not checking back in with them sooner. And that you really appreciate all the help they have given you over the years. (You put them there to do a job. The problem is, they did it too well - they overprotected you)
   • “What is it you want?”
   • “What do you need from me?”
   • “How will you feel when your needs are met?”
   • Can we agree that it’s time to update our relationship?
   • Here’s what I need from you!
4. The Switch: Quickly, after you’ve asked each of these questions, change seats and, without presupposing the answer, allow your Brat to speak through you. This is a right-brained, stream-of-consciousness activity. When he or she has given you their answer, then switch back into your original seat and ask the next question. By now, I’m sure you can see the value in recording these sessions.

Exercise #3: Ground Rules and "Time Outs"

Once you understand what your Brat needs, you can set new rules for how you work together. You are the owner of the company called (fill in your Name) You, and you can treat the Brat like a child when they misbehave, which they will do, especially at the beginning of your new relationship.

• The Time Out: If they are throwing a tantrum during a rehearsal, tell them out loud: "I’m giving you a 'time out.' Go to the corner until I am done with my work."
• The Mirror: If the Brat says, "You're a stupid idiot," change seats and repeat it back exactly: "So, you think I'm a stupid idiot?" The Brat likes to argue, and when you seem to agree, you will experience several seconds of absolute blessed silence!

Summary

When you end a session with your Brat, always thank them for their input and their willingness to change. By bringing this internal "sentry" up to speed, you move from internal conflict to congruence.

The more you can stay conscious and present, representing your Personal Brand, the more you and your Brat will work in tandem to create your success. This is how you liberate the artist within you and become the active force in your own career and life.

OK, that’s it. I encourage you to experiment with these exercises. Get reacquainted with one of the first decisions you made to better understand how to deal with the people around you.

Next month, the focus of our blog will shift to the Third AriaReady Cornerstone: “Having a destination and a solid plan to get there.”

Remember, the process or mindset that has brought you to where you are today can also be what prevents further improvement if some aspect of it carries a negative context or label. To improve is to change. Do the exercises, take the small risk of potential discomfort that comes with doing something new. Be brave. You can evaluate it afterward. If it works, keep it. If not, learn the lesson and move on. There’s no harm in that, but the benefits can be life-changing. Dare yourself to stop, “Take A Beat,” and make a change that makes a difference!

Let me know if I’ve missed anything, or if you’d like to go deeper in any aspect of building your Personal Roadmap for success.

Be the example of how you’d like the world to be.

Enjoy your Summer. Enjoy hanging out with your Brat. With a little practice, history has proved, you will become a great team. The question is still, Aria Ready?

Until next time,

David

*The Four Cornerstones of the Aria Ready Process are:

• Having a solid and consistently dependable vocal technique
• Knowing who you are, from the inside out.
• Having a destination and a solid plan to get there.
• Maintaining personal accountability in all areas of your life.